Could It Be Forever...

Could it be Forever? I feel like she's mine...

It has been on my mind a lot about how much I want Ellie to be a permanent part of this family. When a judge says "in the best interest of the child" how can he know? He is not there when I put her to bed or play with her or make her giggle until she squeals. Anyway, I've been thinking a lot lately about the "system" and I am discouraged with it. I knew getting into this that I would be caring for OTHER PEOPLE'S KIDS. I just have to remember they are not mine. If I ever do get to adopt them, they will be mine. It will be just as if I had them myself. I already feel a very close bond with Ellie. If she goes to one of her family members I will be sad for me, of course... but, I am afraid I will always be thinking "what are they doing to that poor girl today?" or NOT do FOR her. I just have to focus on the NOW and know that as long as she is with me she is loved and cherished and nurtured and safe. I have to take it day-by-day and, as they say "cross that bridge when I come to it." If only a judge had a crystal ball and could see Ellie's life 5... 10... 20 years from now with me versus with her family. If only I could see it... because, maybe, everything would turn out alright with her family. I just cannot imagine her living anywhere except with me now.